It was sort of a traumatic event for me.
Okay, that first sentence would be very weird to those who doesn't know what really happened. It was a school event and I have already been chosen to take part in the comitee when suddenly a week before the event, the coordinator told me that my name on the list was a "mistake". Later on after a crying session and a long talk with the school counselor, I found the courage to question about the weird reason the coordinator gave me.
The answer came after a long talk and lobbying and lots of promises. The coordinator said that it was because I didn't do anything during another school event eventhough I was given the responsibility as one of the coordinator at the time. That answer threw me off so badly, I spilled so many tears about it. It was because I remember how much tears, how much sweat, and how much time I spent to work on that event.
It was sort of a traumatic event for me.
But that is not what I want to talk about here. Not about the pain I went through to get pass the event, or the some more tears I shed recently because I hate myself so much, and it was one of the reason. No, this is not about that. Okay, it's related that's why you need to know the back story. But this post so far has gone too far from the real topic I want to talk about.
Let's start. Really start.
The event was an event to celebrate "Sumpah Pemuda" day. It was called "CIKUNEKU" and the ones who are supposed to be in charge of this event is social and language majored eleven graders. So that's why I thought I wouldn't have to be a part of this kind of event ever again.
How wrong I was.
On Thursday, 26th of October 2017, a teacher suddenly came into my class, right when it was the last subject of the day and the teacher was our homeroom teacher. She, the teacher, suddenly "asked" for our help to prepare another event like we did last year. It was two days before the event and logically speaking, it was impossible to do. But unfortunately, she came to announce that in the very perfect time where we couldn't say no. So, yeah, you guessed it, we said yes.
I wanted to do nothing about that event. If possible I want to be just a regular audience who can watch the show freely without any responsibility, any hassle, and any stress. But, of course, nothing goes my way.
That Thursday, I had a promise with a friend (let's call her M) to buy a glass of our favorite juice. What coincidence that she was asked to help coordinate and basically made the event. So I stayed behind when all my other friends went home in hope that M wouldn't stay until the end of the discussion and we could buy our juices.
But, guess what? Yes, nothing goes my way and we stayed behind until around 4 PM. And yes, I became one of the coordinator of the event.
When I realized that fact, it became so scary that I got stressed out over it. I was scared that eventhough I gave my 1000 and 1 percent as well this year, people would turn a blind eye on it just like last year. I was so scared that I would dissapoint people and hurt myself over again because it turned out that to some people I didn't do anything while for me, I have given my blood, sweat, and tears to it.
(Did I just put in a reference to K-Pop (re: Bulletproof Boys Scout) right there? Yes, yes I did)
But well, in the end I just said f**k it and worked my ass off, not caring about what people would think. At least that is what my school counselor told me to do.
It came out better than I thought. Eventhough I had to run up and down (yes to another K-Pop reference (re: ieksiaidi)) the stairs from five in the morning and almost died because a teacher (that is another funny episode for another time) and was tired and drunk and high and everything in between by the end of the day, I was satisfied that I didn't withdraw from the position because it was satisfying af.
(I am sincerely sorry for all the French I've said in this two paragraph) (no, not really)
It was satisfying because in my mind, being contributed to this event meant that I had done something for my country again. That I have contributed in keeping this country one, with all the differences within. Eventhough I only took a itty bitty tiny part of the event (part that for some people even invicible), I am satisfied with it.
Because this is a great nation after all.
Bye ;)
Okay, that first sentence would be very weird to those who doesn't know what really happened. It was a school event and I have already been chosen to take part in the comitee when suddenly a week before the event, the coordinator told me that my name on the list was a "mistake". Later on after a crying session and a long talk with the school counselor, I found the courage to question about the weird reason the coordinator gave me.
The answer came after a long talk and lobbying and lots of promises. The coordinator said that it was because I didn't do anything during another school event eventhough I was given the responsibility as one of the coordinator at the time. That answer threw me off so badly, I spilled so many tears about it. It was because I remember how much tears, how much sweat, and how much time I spent to work on that event.
It was sort of a traumatic event for me.
But that is not what I want to talk about here. Not about the pain I went through to get pass the event, or the some more tears I shed recently because I hate myself so much, and it was one of the reason. No, this is not about that. Okay, it's related that's why you need to know the back story. But this post so far has gone too far from the real topic I want to talk about.
Let's start. Really start.
The event was an event to celebrate "Sumpah Pemuda" day. It was called "CIKUNEKU" and the ones who are supposed to be in charge of this event is social and language majored eleven graders. So that's why I thought I wouldn't have to be a part of this kind of event ever again.
How wrong I was.
On Thursday, 26th of October 2017, a teacher suddenly came into my class, right when it was the last subject of the day and the teacher was our homeroom teacher. She, the teacher, suddenly "asked" for our help to prepare another event like we did last year. It was two days before the event and logically speaking, it was impossible to do. But unfortunately, she came to announce that in the very perfect time where we couldn't say no. So, yeah, you guessed it, we said yes.
I wanted to do nothing about that event. If possible I want to be just a regular audience who can watch the show freely without any responsibility, any hassle, and any stress. But, of course, nothing goes my way.
That Thursday, I had a promise with a friend (let's call her M) to buy a glass of our favorite juice. What coincidence that she was asked to help coordinate and basically made the event. So I stayed behind when all my other friends went home in hope that M wouldn't stay until the end of the discussion and we could buy our juices.
But, guess what? Yes, nothing goes my way and we stayed behind until around 4 PM. And yes, I became one of the coordinator of the event.
When I realized that fact, it became so scary that I got stressed out over it. I was scared that eventhough I gave my 1000 and 1 percent as well this year, people would turn a blind eye on it just like last year. I was so scared that I would dissapoint people and hurt myself over again because it turned out that to some people I didn't do anything while for me, I have given my blood, sweat, and tears to it.
(Did I just put in a reference to K-Pop (re: Bulletproof Boys Scout) right there? Yes, yes I did)
But well, in the end I just said f**k it and worked my ass off, not caring about what people would think. At least that is what my school counselor told me to do.
It came out better than I thought. Eventhough I had to run up and down (yes to another K-Pop reference (re: ieksiaidi)) the stairs from five in the morning and almost died because a teacher (that is another funny episode for another time) and was tired and drunk and high and everything in between by the end of the day, I was satisfied that I didn't withdraw from the position because it was satisfying af.
(I am sincerely sorry for all the French I've said in this two paragraph) (no, not really)
It was satisfying because in my mind, being contributed to this event meant that I had done something for my country again. That I have contributed in keeping this country one, with all the differences within. Eventhough I only took a itty bitty tiny part of the event (part that for some people even invicible), I am satisfied with it.
Because this is a great nation after all.
Bye ;)
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